the zig times third edition page 4

the zig times

the dogg group

bs productions

volume 1, edition 3

dodger dogg, chief dog

zig meister, editor in chief

Our

Founder

the zig times

zig takes the view from my desktop .. zig

re: the last of the final ‘early edition’ “the zig times”

dateline, dogg house think tank,

Our loyal readers, friends and faithful fans, whose combined numbers

are certainly in the high 1 figure, will appreciate the significance of this

final “early edition” of ‘the zig times’. The only surviving original

A- TEAMER is Ryu, the Younger, now Ryu the Elder and ‘the zig times’

seemed to pass away along with Fredd “Mr. Big” (my favorite manx) …. but as

with any human super divine/deity ‘religious’ belief system, the need for a resurrection doctrine is universal, ...

so .. conjuring up some ‘ dogg group bs’ and mixing it with some ‘productions’ , shake well (if you have one). Remove from heat, allow suspense to breathe (say “bbrrreeeeeaaathee”) ‘till

‘yada yada yada’ … POOF! new A TEAM! .. and

the new, 2008 version* of ‘the zig times’ has risen …

from something (under god).

happy trails, zig

* the 2008 updated version, edition ONE will be available at zigsbc.com in the near future!

Are You a Loyal Homelander?

DG. Crack zig times reporter kat n hatt has uncovered a purported Bush

stratagem requiring ‘loyalty

oaths’

“I tried, I cried, I spied on all

the Bushys. I heard the word

from a little bird the Bush Herd

thinks its royalty, and must be

sworn to loyalty.” I moaned, I phoned

until I could only contort my mind to send this report:

High level Bush administration sources, who wish to remain anonymous, have

passed on exactly what the Bush

Administration is

thinking we should

swear our loyalty to

and what we can

soon expect, if the

royal W gets his way.

All Hail the Chief W!

Grainy memo of oath

Memo enlarged 10x:

I (your name here) promise to adore and obey Trent Lott, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Condoleezza Rice, Dennis Hastert, Tom DeLay, The FBI, CIA, NSC, etc., and to sing their praises loudly in public buildings (under God) everywhere. I affirm my loyalty to Commander In Chief and will always call him Commander In Chief because that better denotes his position in the universe and removes the stain of Florida from his ascension. I now accept that his wisdom and intellect surpasses my puniness and know I will get a migraine as punishment every time I try to comprehend his immense vision for us.

I accept my duty to reveal and denounce all secular humanists, for they are the Anti-Corporate and bring much harm to America by promoting ideas like alternative sources of fuel and veganism. I promise to buy two SUVs and report all those who don't. I promise to never walk to the store when I can get into my new SUV and drive there, because if all of us don't drive those few blocks, drilling in Yellowstone Park would be pointless.

I promise to write only complimentary letters to Republican legislators and to daily praise their nice haircuts and well-mannered spouses and children. I promise to have children quickly and often, as those once flaky but now mainstream Republicans have always said we should, so that we can quickly grow (under God) and outnumber them that would destroy us (under God). I will use more weed-killer on my lawn.

I affirm my loyalty to John Ashcroft and will sing all his songs with gusto. I will gladly submit many suspicious names to him of the Anti-Corporate: those who commute by bicycle or drink only spring water or look for the organic label, etc. Thank you, St. Ashcroft, for helping me see my errors, particularly my error in once trying a foreign language, for I now understand the wisdom of making anyone who is not us learn English (under God).

I promise to gladly pay more taxes so CEOs everywhere can enjoy tax cuts, because they work hard for their money. I will also put my money back in the stock market so CEOs can grab it and build large homes with at least eight bathrooms in Aspen so their guests don't have to wait in line (under God) to pee.

I will never hire a lawyer and I will oppose government regulation of corporations because it is a burden and makes no sense in the sunlight of this new day in America when corporations have been reformed (under God). I will encourage more government regulation of our lives as government knows what is best for America(ns)(under God).

I promise to listen to and quote extensively from the sayings (under God) of Ari Fleischer. I will make no jokes about Harvey Pitt, Tom DeLay, Tom Ridge or William Webster because my Commander In Chief says they are good, honest and decent men (under God).

I promise to watch CNN News always even when I'm asleep. I will quote Bill O'Reilly and Sean Hannity even when the occasion doesn't call for it so everyone can be smarter. CNN News only wants us in the Homeland to know more than them that would destroy us so that we can destroy them with a pure heart (under God).

I promise to wear big belt buckles (under God) just like the Commander In Chief's so I can be more like him and less like my puniness. I will always from now on call America "The Homeland," because that is helping us win the war on terror by making us forget this is America. All this and more I will do (under God) for The Homeland. Thank God (under God).

(Sign and date here)

Reprisals considered...

katt further reports unnamed high level sources are

whispering hints of potential reprisals including torture

are being considered by the W Administration for all non

signees. Secret sources from high levels of government

confirm the Administration has plans to attach the oath

bill to proposed defense spending for approval.

Officials for the Bush Administration would neither deny nor

confirm the existence of any plan for anything.

“We have no plans.” was the official Bush response.

W “Saddam deserves ‘Ultimate Penalty’”

DG. dateline Washington DC.

Saddam Hussein deserves the "ultimate penalty" for his crimes, President Bush said Tuesday.

A day after saying his own views were unimportant, Bush decided to step forward and publicly state his opinion, a position that couldn’t carry any influence in determining the punishment of the deposed Iraqi leader.

"Let's just see what penalty he gets.” Bush said. "I mean, he is a torturer, a murderer, they had rape rooms. This is a disgusting tyrant who deserves justice.” Bush said Saddam's punishment "will be decided not by the president of the United States but by the citizens of Iraq in one form or another. Tall ones, fat ones all of ‘em."

He said he doesn't see a need for a trial, a process that Iraqis are "plenty familiar with." Members of the U.S.-appointed Iraq Governing Council have predicted a quickie trial and a quick execution for Saddam.

“He’ll get a trial then they’ll execute him in Iraqi tradition.” said one Governing Council member.

The president distanced himself from possible interrogation methods used to elicit information from Saddam, other than to say that "this country doesn't torture."

Bush also defended the intelligence that he used in citing weapons of mass destruction in Iraq as a main reason for going to war. Asked about the alleged weapons "programs" instead of possession of weapons themselves, Bush remained firm about his prewar assessment of the threat Saddam posed and insisted the world and America are safer because of the war that toppled him.

"What's the difference?" he said. "If he were to acquire weapons, he would be the danger. If he had a plan to acquire weapons, he would be the danger. He would be the danger, that's what I'm trying to explain to you. A gathering threat, after 9-11, is a threat that needed to be dealt with. You get it don't’ you? I mean ‘What’s the difference whether I’m right of wrong, when our lack of intelligence proved correct?"

the zig times

Volume 1

Edition 3

We do!

Sign the Bush Oath today!

zig meister, editior in chief, the zig times

hatt

thanks alot and stay tuned … the zig times